


to the very end (never)

by Anonymous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Character Death, M/M, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Speculation, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22221016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: ‘To the very end’, Dean had promised himself once, years ago.It seemed like that was now
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23
Collections: Anonymous





	to the very end (never)

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy pls make sure 2 vote & comment !!!

**Never** once did Dean think it would end this way.

**Going** back years, Dean has always had hope. Not faith— no, never faith, not for a long time— but he was always able to see the light in the dark, make the best out of the worst, even when he wanted nothing more than to give up. He kept going, though, for Sammy, for Cas— and then for his mom, and Jack, and Jody, and Claire, and every other family he has made along the way. He has always had hope that someday, they would all get the happy ending they wanted. And it was evident now that that was never going to happen.

‘ ** _To_** _the very end_ ,’ Dean promised himself, years ago. He would keep that hope, find that hope wherever he could. But this- this right here, was what the very end felt like to Dean. The world shattering into a million pieces around him, crashing and burning, all because of Dean’s own stupidity and negligence to Castiel and when Castiel needed help.

“ **Give** me your hands,” Castiel mumbles as Dean kneels down beside the former-angel. Dean complies, taking Castiel’s hands into his own. They’re cold— so cold. They were always warm, always burning, the fire in Castiel acting as a reminder of the creature he was— or the creature he used to be. Castiel was an angel no more— he hadn’t been since his grace had fully faded; since his grace had fully faded and Dead did absolutely nothing to help. “I’m sorry, Dean,”

“ **You** \- you have nothing to apologize for Cas,” Dean says, his voice breaking. He blinks, fighting back the tears that sting the backs of his eyes.

‘ _ **Up**_ _is the only way to go from here_ ,’ Mary had told him, once, at some point before her (second) death; but truly, Dean doesn’t sentiment with her words. They mean nothing; just a dumb excuse to make him feel better about whatever shitty situation he got himself into.

**Never** once did Dean think he would be holding Castiel in his arms, watching as the former angel dies and completely unable to do anything about it.

“- **going** to be alright without me,” Dean barely hears what Castiel is saying; it’s lost in the sound of his own pulse beating in his ears, his blood thumping in his veins. He doesn’t want to lose Cas— he can’t lose Cas, not after everything they’ve been through.

‘ _ **To** _ _the very end_ ,’ Dean had promised himself, and it seemed like that was the truth. He would stay with Cas until the very end.

“ **Let** me go, Dean,” Castiel says, his voice barely a whisper, but he’s  pleading . Dean wants to say no— he wants to hold onto Cas forever and never let him go, never let the inevitable happen. But it’s much too late for that.

“ **You** \- you cant go, Cas,” Dean clutched Castiel’s hands just a bit tighter. “You can’t leave me.”

**Down** is the only way Dean will be able to go from here.

‘ _ **Never**_ ,’ is what Castiel would say under any other give circumstance. Instead, he smiles sadly up at Dean, and doesn’t say anything.

“ **Going** away is hard,” Castiel mumbles after a moment of staring at Dean. “I’m sorry. I will miss you.”

**To** the very end, to the very end, to the very end. Dean repeats it in his head like a mantra. “I wish- I wish we could have-“

“ **Run** away from all of this?” Cas asks, the corner of his lips quirking up into a sardonic smile. “Me too.”

“ **Around** time we admit it,” Dean scoffs. He sighs, leaning towards Cas. He presses his lips gently against the former-angels, the ghost of a kiss, before pulling away.

**And** then Cas pulls him in again, this kiss everything the first wasn’t; desperate. It’s as if they are trying to somehow fill a thousand missed kisses into this one. ( _It doesn’t feel the same_.) “I thought you’d leave if you ever found out.”

“ **Desert** you?” Cas asks, almost affronted. “I wouldn’t. Ever.” ( _Except for now_.)

“ **You** are perfect,” Dean muttered, pressing a soft kiss against Castiel’s lips once again.

**Never** ending was what their love was. Even with one of them gone.

“ **Going** away is hard,” Castiel repeats, his voice harder than the last time. Dean can feel the tears begin to spill form his his eyes, streaming down his face. 

‘ _ **To** the very end_’. Their end was near.

“ **Make** this last forever.” Dean says. Castiel moves a thumb across his cheek, wiping away a tear.

“ **You** don’t have to-“

“ **Cry**?” Dean cuts him off, a half-chuckle, half-sob ripping from his throat. “Yeah, Cas... Cas- yeah, I do.”

**Never** once has Dean ever felt this vulnerable— this heart broken.

“ **Going** away is hard, Dean.” Castiel repeats, but it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself this time. 

‘ _ **To** the very end_’, Dean repeats in his head.

( _ **Say** it, he wants to plead. I’m too much of a coward to say it myself_.)

“ **Goodbye** , Dean,” Castiel mumbles, pressing his forehead against Dean’s, clutching the human’s face. Their lips are just barely touching, and Dean wants to pull him close; to hold him, to hold him and never let go, but he can already feel Castiel fading in his arms.

**Never** once has Dean ever thought he could feel like this.

‘ _ **Going** away is hard_,’ Castiel doesn’t say it again. Dean wants him to. Dean needs him to— he needs to hear it again. But Cas is already gone.

‘ _ **To** the very end_’. Their end had come.

( _ **Tell** yourself, Dean. Tell yourself what you couldn’t say to him_.)

**A** sob rips from Dean’s throat.

( _ **Lie** to yourself; you’ll never lose him_.)

**And** Cas was gone. He lost Cas and he’d never get him back, not this time. Cas was not an angel, he didn’t have a soul, he didn’t have grace, and he had faded, he had died, he was dead.

**Hurt** , and hurt, and hurt was all Dean could do. Cas was gone. Cas was gone. Cas was gone. “I love you.”

( _ **You** , and only you, Cas_.)


End file.
